Welcome to an exciting year-long project here at The Nerdy. 1983 was an exciting year for films giving us a lot of films that would go on to be beloved favorites and cult classics. It was also the start to a major shift in cultural and societal norms, and some of those still reverberate to this day.
We’re going to pick and choose which movies we hit, but right now the list stands at nearly four dozen.
Yes, we’re insane, but 1983 was that great of a year for film.
The articles will come out – in most cases – on the same day the films hit theaters in 1983 so that it is their true 40th anniversary. All films are also watched again for the purposes of these reviews and are not being done from memory. In some cases, it truly will be the first time we’ve seen them.
This time around, it’s January 21, 1983, and we’re off to see The House on Sorority Row and Treasure of the Four Crowns!
Quick side note: Since we launched this series this year, we’ve discovered that Vintage Video Podcast is doing the exact same project with two differences: First, it’s audio (naturally), and second, they are doing every major film. We’ve listened to numerous episodes and it’s fun checking off their thoughts against my own. Check them out over at Vintage Video Podcast.
The House on Sorority Row
You know, sometimes when you accidentally kill your sorority house mother, you just have to put up with the idea her secret son who lives in the attic is going to want revenge.
I don’t make the rules here, folks.
The House on Sorority Row is not just a poorly made movie – it looks well shot, that is all I can say for it – but it is another one of those cases where I so strongly disliked every character in the film I was rooting for their deaths. I understand by this point in the slasher genre we had to have situations where every character had something about them you didn’t like, but by the same measure, you have to give us something to like. This movie fails horribly in this respect, and I just kept going “Kill them faster… please just kill them faster.”
It is most definitely a film that exemplifies all of the slasher tropes of the time period, but it lacks any sense of mystery. You know full well who the killer is despite some feeble attempts at misdirects. And the ending is about the most unsurprising moment you could imagine.
The House on Sorority Row is a paint-by-numbers slasher flick that seems to have grabbed any old color palette and just did it their own way. Sadly they did it wrong.
Treasure of the Four Crowns
I watched Treasure of the Four Crowns in 2D because 3D gives me a headache. Even then, I could have told you every 20 seconds, “This was shot for 3D!”
Do you know what I want to see in 3D? Someone pouring a drink. Yeah, give me that upshot of the booze pouring into the glass so it feels like it’s splashing on my face.
Beyond the laughable excuses for more 3D in this film, it’s just a bad movie. It’s a clear attempt at ripping off Raiders of the Lost Ark, but lacks any sense of style or charisma.
And when we get to the big heist for the treasure we are treated to what may be the longest-ever scene of people using ropes in silence to cross a room. I didn’t time it, but I wouldn’t question you if you told me that it goes on for no less than two hours. I know the whole movie is only 97 minutes, but that rope scene was easily two hours.
This is just not a good film on any level. From pointless 3D, bad acting, a complete lack of editing, and more, there is nothing pleasurable about watching this movie.
1983 Movie Reviews will return on Jan. 28, 2023 with Sacred Ground!
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